I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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