My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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