I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
