How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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