the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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