i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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