if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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