I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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