OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
