Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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