Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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