Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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