from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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