I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
