so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
