gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
