it wasn't lemon gatorade
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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