He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girls should come with a carfax report
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
