Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
