Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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