if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
