are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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