i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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