I'm going to jail i love you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
