why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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