Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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