I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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