the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
