That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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