dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
