you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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