it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
