So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
