Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
