I can text with my tongue
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is my gift to your gina
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
