I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
