I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
