we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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