I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
