i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
