got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
