If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize