god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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