you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
