That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
