Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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