Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
