I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
