in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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