oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
