It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You ruined the universe
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
