I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We don't watch enough power rangers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
