I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
