Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
