So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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