all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
