I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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