my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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