We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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