In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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