Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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