so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
