It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
