Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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