So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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