Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
