I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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