hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
