Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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