Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
